I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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