I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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