Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
