sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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