after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
