I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
