Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
