i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
