I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
