'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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