yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
