You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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