Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
