respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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