I cannot find my penis.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
