he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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