She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
