Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
