Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I didn't notice because vodka
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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