...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
