Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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