I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
