Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
