I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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