you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
