Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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