Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
