My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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