I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
