I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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