i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There's always time for handjobs
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
