glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
