TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
