best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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