best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
