I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
