Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
