DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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