At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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