Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
