he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
