If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
