You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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