I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
