I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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