I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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