Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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