mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
