He asked to "fluff my boner.."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
