D3 body, D1 cock
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
